Boy: Dad! I gave a roly-poly a ride on my bike!
Little boys are awesome. Lucky roly-poly.
Saturday, May 16, 2009
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Disclaimer:
To those who are about to read the Mammoth Post on Morning Sickness (here’s a Mammoth Disclaimer), I’d just like to state that I realize this will be funnier to some people than it will to others.
Also, I’m not trying to villain-ize men; or women who don’t get sick when they are pregnant. I am TOTALLY JEALOUS of women who don’t get sick when they are pregnant, and I am also sympathetic to the plight of the husband of the sick pregnant woman. It is totally brutal on them, too—especially since they are pretty much helpless as far as making the sickness go away. (Knowing how men like to fix problems, I know that making the sickness go away would be the first thing they would do if they could.) A woman who has been sick for months can get a little, shall we say, “testy,” and may not be fun to be around all the time.
I asked Part-time Politician to read it before I posted it to get its “offensive-ness” rating. He didn’t find it offensive at all, but was more astonished and perplexed that I came up with the story in the middle of the night.
I always feel bad when I complain about the morning sickness because I don’t want people to think I don’t want to have a baby. I really, really do want to have the baby, and I am still excited about it. But as the weeks wear on, expressing myself about the morning sickness, and commiserating with other “sickies” seems to help. It is good for me to try to laugh about it, because otherwise a whole lot of (extra) crying would be going on.
So without further ado, what I came up with as I was suffering from 1st Trimester Insomnia last night between 2:15 a.m. and 5:00 a.m.; and was trying to figure the whole thing out:
To those who are about to read the Mammoth Post on Morning Sickness (here’s a Mammoth Disclaimer), I’d just like to state that I realize this will be funnier to some people than it will to others.
Also, I’m not trying to villain-ize men; or women who don’t get sick when they are pregnant. I am TOTALLY JEALOUS of women who don’t get sick when they are pregnant, and I am also sympathetic to the plight of the husband of the sick pregnant woman. It is totally brutal on them, too—especially since they are pretty much helpless as far as making the sickness go away. (Knowing how men like to fix problems, I know that making the sickness go away would be the first thing they would do if they could.) A woman who has been sick for months can get a little, shall we say, “testy,” and may not be fun to be around all the time.
I asked Part-time Politician to read it before I posted it to get its “offensive-ness” rating. He didn’t find it offensive at all, but was more astonished and perplexed that I came up with the story in the middle of the night.
I always feel bad when I complain about the morning sickness because I don’t want people to think I don’t want to have a baby. I really, really do want to have the baby, and I am still excited about it. But as the weeks wear on, expressing myself about the morning sickness, and commiserating with other “sickies” seems to help. It is good for me to try to laugh about it, because otherwise a whole lot of (extra) crying would be going on.
So without further ado, what I came up with as I was suffering from 1st Trimester Insomnia last night between 2:15 a.m. and 5:00 a.m.; and was trying to figure the whole thing out:
Sickness of the Morning
Whoever had the great idea to name the phenomenon I am going through “Morning Sickness” was a person in either of the two following categories:
1) Not a female
2) A female, but one similar to those who have come to me and said, “you feel sick? Oh! That is too bad. I never felt better than when I was pregnant! I can’t imagine what you are going through at all—it must be terrible.” There are a few who didn’t go as far as to say they “never felt better,” but still made sure I knew they didn’t feel sick for even a day. Just yesterday, one of these ladies also added, “and my labors and deliveries are so quick, too. My first was just 4 hours, and my second, about 2! I pushed once, and there she was!”
Here is how the misnaming came to be:
Theory 1:
Back in pioneer times, a man woke up and noticed his newly pregnant wife (the name of this wonderful woman was Pansy Davenport) throwing up in between trying to fix his breakfast. “This is unusual,” he thought, but decided he would continue on with his day (because back in pioneer times you couldn’t just not go to work, or you would starve in the winter). “I’m sorry you feel sick, darlin’!” He said, as he kissed her sweaty face, while avoiding her pungent breath. “I’ll be home later tonight.” He then went to work on the back forty, plowing, planting, building things, taking care of the animals, etc.
When he arrived home around 7:00 p.m. for dinner, he washed up and came inside to his dinner waiting for him on the table…and Pansy cashed out in bed, asleep for the night. “This is unusual,” he thought again. He ate dinner, cleaned up the dishes and turned in.
After a few days of the same pattern, he became concerned and asked one of his buddies about it. “My wife--she seems to have some sort of…well, Morning Sickness,” he said, “and at night, she turns in early—she must be extra tired or something.” His buddy nodded knowingly. “Same thing happened to my wife. I like your name for it—‘Morning Sickness’ describes exactly what happened to her. And the falling asleep before we get home…they must be extra fatigued when they are in the family way.”
Theory 2:
The same story, except the man decided not to ask his buddy (because what would his buddies know about it anyway?). Instead, he asked a woman, who had been through pregnancy multiple times, what she thought was going on with his wife. (This woman happened to be someone that fits into Category two, above.)
After the man described the situation to this woman, she replied, “Yes…I have heard of this happening quite often, though I can’t imagine how it feels—I never feel better than when I am in the family way…and my deliveries are so quick and painless, too. This one time, I was there in the stirrups…(at that point, she noticed the look of horror on the man’s face, realized she wasn’t having a Pregnancy Experience Fest with other women, and got back on track). Oh, This must be terrible for your wife. To be sick in the morning like that, tsk, tsk. And so fatigued at night that she can’t even stay awake! Yes, this “Morning Sickness” does seem to strike many other women. But, I’ll bet she gets better around Week 12! Yes, that sounds right, Week 12! Don’t you worry about a thing…”
“Thanks,” the man said as he wandered off, trying to figure out what the heck “Week 12” even meant, let alone how it pertained to his situation, but not wanting to ask the woman—for obvious reasons. “I should have asked one of my buddies,” he thought.
And thus, with either theory, we have our first “naming” of two of the phenomena that happen when a woman is pregnant. “Morning Sickness,” and “Extra Fatigue.”
The troubling thing about the whole situation, is that had the man returned earlier from his day of work, he would have seen that not only did the Morning Sickness not go away, but that it got worse, and worse throughout the day. The same wife who had thrown up while trying to make his breakfast, did the same thing while trying to make his dinner, only more violently. The nausea had gotten so bad that she finally just had to lie down and go to sleep so that she wouldn’t have to feel it anymore. Oh yeah—and she didn’t turn in at 6:45 and fall quickly asleep. She lay down at 5:00 and writhed in pain (in between getting up to go to the outhouse) while trying to fall asleep until 6:55.
If the man had only returned earlier, we may have a different, more appropriate name, say, the Embryonic Plague, or something.
P.S. Although I know what “Week 12” means, I am also trying to figure out how “getting better around Week 12” pertains to me, because it never happens. I know because I am now “around Week 12”—in fact, I am past Week 12 and still I threw up my macaroni and cheese last night. More on why I was even eating macaroni and cheese later…
Whoever had the great idea to name the phenomenon I am going through “Morning Sickness” was a person in either of the two following categories:
1) Not a female
2) A female, but one similar to those who have come to me and said, “you feel sick? Oh! That is too bad. I never felt better than when I was pregnant! I can’t imagine what you are going through at all—it must be terrible.” There are a few who didn’t go as far as to say they “never felt better,” but still made sure I knew they didn’t feel sick for even a day. Just yesterday, one of these ladies also added, “and my labors and deliveries are so quick, too. My first was just 4 hours, and my second, about 2! I pushed once, and there she was!”
Here is how the misnaming came to be:
Theory 1:
Back in pioneer times, a man woke up and noticed his newly pregnant wife (the name of this wonderful woman was Pansy Davenport) throwing up in between trying to fix his breakfast. “This is unusual,” he thought, but decided he would continue on with his day (because back in pioneer times you couldn’t just not go to work, or you would starve in the winter). “I’m sorry you feel sick, darlin’!” He said, as he kissed her sweaty face, while avoiding her pungent breath. “I’ll be home later tonight.” He then went to work on the back forty, plowing, planting, building things, taking care of the animals, etc.
When he arrived home around 7:00 p.m. for dinner, he washed up and came inside to his dinner waiting for him on the table…and Pansy cashed out in bed, asleep for the night. “This is unusual,” he thought again. He ate dinner, cleaned up the dishes and turned in.
After a few days of the same pattern, he became concerned and asked one of his buddies about it. “My wife--she seems to have some sort of…well, Morning Sickness,” he said, “and at night, she turns in early—she must be extra tired or something.” His buddy nodded knowingly. “Same thing happened to my wife. I like your name for it—‘Morning Sickness’ describes exactly what happened to her. And the falling asleep before we get home…they must be extra fatigued when they are in the family way.”
Theory 2:
The same story, except the man decided not to ask his buddy (because what would his buddies know about it anyway?). Instead, he asked a woman, who had been through pregnancy multiple times, what she thought was going on with his wife. (This woman happened to be someone that fits into Category two, above.)
After the man described the situation to this woman, she replied, “Yes…I have heard of this happening quite often, though I can’t imagine how it feels—I never feel better than when I am in the family way…and my deliveries are so quick and painless, too. This one time, I was there in the stirrups…(at that point, she noticed the look of horror on the man’s face, realized she wasn’t having a Pregnancy Experience Fest with other women, and got back on track). Oh, This must be terrible for your wife. To be sick in the morning like that, tsk, tsk. And so fatigued at night that she can’t even stay awake! Yes, this “Morning Sickness” does seem to strike many other women. But, I’ll bet she gets better around Week 12! Yes, that sounds right, Week 12! Don’t you worry about a thing…”
“Thanks,” the man said as he wandered off, trying to figure out what the heck “Week 12” even meant, let alone how it pertained to his situation, but not wanting to ask the woman—for obvious reasons. “I should have asked one of my buddies,” he thought.
And thus, with either theory, we have our first “naming” of two of the phenomena that happen when a woman is pregnant. “Morning Sickness,” and “Extra Fatigue.”
The troubling thing about the whole situation, is that had the man returned earlier from his day of work, he would have seen that not only did the Morning Sickness not go away, but that it got worse, and worse throughout the day. The same wife who had thrown up while trying to make his breakfast, did the same thing while trying to make his dinner, only more violently. The nausea had gotten so bad that she finally just had to lie down and go to sleep so that she wouldn’t have to feel it anymore. Oh yeah—and she didn’t turn in at 6:45 and fall quickly asleep. She lay down at 5:00 and writhed in pain (in between getting up to go to the outhouse) while trying to fall asleep until 6:55.
If the man had only returned earlier, we may have a different, more appropriate name, say, the Embryonic Plague, or something.
P.S. Although I know what “Week 12” means, I am also trying to figure out how “getting better around Week 12” pertains to me, because it never happens. I know because I am now “around Week 12”—in fact, I am past Week 12 and still I threw up my macaroni and cheese last night. More on why I was even eating macaroni and cheese later…
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)